Times Like These

I’m not sure where I first heard this song, I know it was 2 or 3 years ago. I downloaded the song from iTunes and I’d listen to it on my way home from that awful part-time job I used to have, the one that kept me out until 11 p.m. five days a week. The song is hypnotic; the actual version is by Willie Nelson with Bonnie Raitt. The combination of their world-weary voices is breathtaking. The video I found from YouTube isn’t half bad.

I feel wistful when I listen to this song … makes me think of the sadness that I’ve gone through, without actually feeling sad.

What do you do with the sands of time
When they carve out lines around your eyes
I can close my fists up good and tight
But I can’t hold back the sands of time

Night and day
Night and day
You remain
You remain

This is one of those songs I could listen to over and over again. I’m not sure when I first heard it; in fact I wasn’t even sure what the song was at all because they mention New Orleans much more than they do Miami. I know, however, that I heard a lot during that awful summer, nearly four years ago, when I went to Miami and realized I didn’t want to be married anymore. I also know that I put this song on a mix CD for the Former Flame, calling it “unfortunately named but worth a listen.” During my trip to Miami, my then-husband, I later discovered, listened obsessively to Holiday in Spain, also by Counting Crows. I’ve always preferred wry songs over the out and out depressing music. This song makes me smile a little half-smile, like it’s my own special secret, because, in a way, it is.

Guess I think I feel alright
You come circling through the light
The skyline baby is bright tonight
One more perfect rendezvous
Sundown paints the shadows through
Daylight aiming? on what we do
It looks like darkness to me, oh
Drifting down into Miami
Miami
Can I say
I wish that this weather would never leave
It just gets hard to believe
That God sent this angel
to watch over me
Oh my angel,
she don’t receive my calls
Says I’m to dumb to fuck
To dumb to fight
To dumb to save
Well, maybe I don’t need no angel at all
It looks like darkness to me, oh
Drifting down into Miami
Miami
She could pull the sun right through me
Coming down, into Miami
Miami
Make a circle in the sand
Make a halo with your hands
Make a place for you to land
The bus is runnin’, it’s time to leave
The summer’s gone, so are we
So come on baby, let’s go shut it down
in New Orleans.
Come on baby, lets go shut it down
In new orleans
Come on Baby, come on baby
lets go shut it down, in new orleans.
Come on
Lets go shut it down
in New Orleans
Come on baby
Come on baby
Lets go shut it down

Most people know Men at Work from the incessantly popular Who Can It Be Now. But I think I like this song, Overkill, more. It soothes me. It’s one of those songs I can listen to over and over again, just have it on repeat on iTunes and be a happy girl. Maybe it’s because the past few (hell, five) years have been so full of decisions and changes for me that I like listening to a song that reminds me that I’m not the only person who has ever thought about breaking free, about leaving my comfort zone …

I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Day after day it reappears
Night after night, my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

The Smashing Pumpkins were one of my college bands. In the early 90s, it was all grunge, all the time. I couldn’t stand most of it. Nirvana irritated, except for a few songs here and there (I did like Heart Shaped Box). Alice in Chains? Forget it. Pearl Jam? Eh, I liked Alive, that was about it. But the Smashing Pumpkins … they were different. They had some pop to them. The first time I heard Today, I was in my friend’s dorm room. That jangly beginning, the faux-happy lyrics, the whole sound was great. I admit that I like their lighter music better, although some of the darker music, like Bullet in Butterfly Wings is good too.

This song takes me back to a time when I really did think that relationships could be perfect … While I don’t believe that today, the lyrics still get to me: “But please, you know you’re just like me, next time I promise we’ll be perfect.”

I know
We’re just like old friends
We just can’t pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can’t help but feel
That something has been lost

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always were so free
We promised that we’d be
Perfect
Perfect

I love me some epic music, and “No More Drama” by Miss Mary J. Blige certainly fits the bill. There’s pain, anguish, emotion … and with lyrics like “no more waking me up in the morning with your disturbing phone calls,” you know this shit is real. My friend Chris and I will quote this song to each other at work or when one of us is having a personal crisis. Mary J. heals all.

So tired
Tired of these drama
No more, no more
I wanna be free
I’m so tired, so tired
Broken heart again
Another lesson learn
Better know your friends
Or else you will get burned
Gotta count on me
Cause I can guarantee
That I’ll be fine

No more pain
(No more pain)
No more pain
(No more pain)
No drama
(No more drama in my life)
No-one’s gonna
Make me hurt again

Why’d I play the fool
Go through ups and downs
Knowing all the time
You wouldn’t be around
Or maybe I like the stress
Cause I was young and restless
But there was long ago
I don’t wanna cry no more

No more pain
(No more pain)
No more game
(No more game
Messin with my mind)
No drama
(No more drama in my life)
No-one’s gonna
Make me hurt again
No more tears
(No more tears
I’m tired of cryin everynight)
No more fears
(No more fears
I really don’t wanna cry)
No drama
(No more drama in my life)
I don’t ever wanna hurt again
Wanna speak my mind
Wanna speak my mind

Uh, it feels so good
When you let go
Of all the drama
In your life
Now you’re free
From all the pain
Free from all the game
Free from all the stress
So bye your happiness
I don’t know
Only God knows
Where the story ends
For me, but I know
Where the story begins
It’s up to us to choose
Whether we win or lose
And I choose to win

No more pain
(No more pain)
No more game
(Tired of your playin’
Game with my mind)
No drama
(No more drama
In my life)
No more, no more
No more, no more
No more tears
(No more tears
No more cryin every night)
No more fears
(No more waking me up
In the morning
With your disturbing phone calls)
No drama
No more in my life

No more drama
No more drama
No more drama
No more drama
No more drama
No more drama
No more drama
No more drama
No more drama
No more drama in my life
So tired, tired of these drama

I’ve always liked the song Night Moves by Bob Seger; I liked it even when I was entirely too young to understand what he was singing about. I was living my youth, not reminiscing about the past. Now, however, at the age of 33, I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve lived …

Night Moves is my recovering-from-a-break-up song. It has that perfect mix of wistfulness, sadness and joy to make me smile wryly … plus I can easily belt it out. Last year my ex-husband went to see Bob Seger in concert. He later admitted he was a bit drunk and a bit wistful when he sent me a txt message stating that “Night Moves is the greatest song ever!” That still makes me smile, if only because it showed me that it’s ok that I’m not 100% over him because he’s not 100% over me.

This is just one of those perfect songs that we can all relate to … because we’ve all been young and restless and bored … or not-so-young and restless and bored …

I was a little too tall
Could’ve used a few pounds
Tight pants points hardly reknown
She was a black-haired beauty with big dark eyes
And points all her own sitting way up high
Way up firm and high

I awoke last night to the sound of thunder
How far off I sat and wondered
Started humming a song from 1962
Ain’t it funny how the night moves
When you just don’t seem to have as much to lose
Strange how the night moves
With autumn closing in

On my other blog, I’ve talk now and again about the man I call the Former Flame. We used to make CDs for each other. It started with him sending me copies of CDs he had and ended up as making mix CDs. As I’m sure you know, when you are making a mix CD to someone you’re interested in, it can be difficult to choose the songs. On one hand you don’t want to put nothing but sappy love songs on the CD but you also want to get the message across. I put this song, What a Good Boy by BNL, on a CD for John. The lyrics reminded me of us; we were both the oldest children in his family, we both were overly responsible and worried about what other people thought. Plus, of course, the line, “I know it isn’t right but be with me tonight” also spoke to our situation. It’s a pretty song, even if does make me think of a not-so-pretty boy …

When I was born, they looked at me and said,
“What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.”
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
“What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.”

We’ve got these chains that hang around our necks
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.

Chorus
This name is the hairshirt I wear
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me, be with me tonight,
I know that it isn’t right, but be with me tonight.

I go to school, I write exams,
if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they’ll soon forget ’cause it won’t take much for me
to show my life ain’t over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

Chorus

I couldn’t tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn’t tell you that you were right,
so instead I looked in the mirror,
watched TV, laid away all night.

We’ve got these chains, hang ’round our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls …

When I was born, they looked at me and said;
“What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.”
And when you were born, they looked at you and said;
“What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey”

One of the reasons I started this site was to exorcise the hold that certain songs can have on me. Take this one, for example. “I will wait for you” by Eliot Yamin is a song that I listened to a lot during my whirlwind romance earlier this summer. In hindsight, the girl he was waiting for wasn’t me, and that’s why I have a difficult time listening to this song. It makes me think of being in his car, 2 or 3 in the morning, the windows down, my hair blowing, and feeling so damn happy. Soon enough, most of the negative memories will fade further and I’ll just have that giddy feeling to remember fondly …

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I’m missing you
And I’m wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I’m all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it’s a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

I’ll Be Waiting.

This song makes me think of just about every guy I’ve ever liked but it still manages to make me smile. How is that possible?

Forget About It by Alison Krauss

Forget about it
I’m admittin’ I was wrong
And I’ll just take what’s mine
And walk right out the door
Forget about it
I’ll split and I’ll be gone
And you’ll have memories
You’ll find hard to ignore
‘Cause after all
I see you sometime
Maybe when I can’t recall
How you drove me crazier
Forget about it
When forever’s over
I won’t remember how much
I loved you anymore
Forget about it
Put me out of your head
Now that you’re free and easy
Out there on the town
Forget about it
When you’re lying in bed just wishing
I was there to lay you down

‘Cause after all
I see you sometime maybe
When you will recall
How I drove you crazier
Forget about those stars in your eyes
Laying by the fireside
Holding you tight
I can’t remember when I felt so right
So just forget about it

Forget about it
When you see me on the street
Don’t wink, don’t wave
Don’t try to tease me with your smile
Forget about it
If we chance to meet somewhere
Don’t think it’s cause I’m trying to reconcile

‘Cause after all
I see you sometime maybe
When I can’t recall
How you drove me crazier
Forget about those stars in your eyes
Laying by the fireside
Holding you tight
I can’t remember when I felt so right
So just forget about it

I met this guy when I was 14. He was 21. He was my brother’s karate instructor. My mom wanted to start taking classes too but hadn’t yet worked up her nerve. She made me a deal: Watch a few classes with her in exchange for something that I wanted at the time, I can’t even remember.

Aside from pretty much giggling the entire time (I was 14), I was mesmerized when I saw Chris. I instantly thought he was the hottest thing evah. I had that feeling you get when you see someone and you know … So yeah, I was more eager to go to class with my mom. She eventually enrolled in classes and I also was eager to attend their tournaments and testings.

It was obvious that Chris was interested in me. It was also obvious that he had no idea how young I was. Eventually the truth came out; the look on his face when I admitted that I was 14 (or maybe 15 by that time) was priceless. He thought I was in college.

Over the next few years, we continued flirting. He scheduled a self-defense class for women basically for me. My mother grimaced her way throughout the six weeks. Chris would always select me to be his “helper.” One time I had to run my fingers through his hair and then end up flipping him (I guess to take down some guy you didn’t want to kiss LOL). Well, I think at that point, I had never even kissed a boy and had no idea of the power that a woman can have over a man or even what the consequences were of our flirtation. In front of the class, I slid my fingers into the hair at the back of his neck … and then proceeded to flip him. After he got up, Chris commented, “Wow! A guy could really get distracted by you!” My mother grimaced even more.

At one point, I’m not sure how old I was, at least 16, maybe older, Chris called my mother to ask her permission to ask me out. I was delighted. Of course, my mom told him no. What else could she say? And by the time I was old enough to date him, he was still too old for me.

I haven’t seen him in years. My mom said he’s an ass now. Doesn’t surprise me. I’m not even really sure why Circle by Big Head Todd and the Monsters makes me think of him, it just does.

It seems to me, you and me
Are chasing something
What it is does anybody here want to know?
It seems to you, you and me
Are forgetting something
When love is so easily forgotten
And if I pick you up will you drag me down?
If I run to you will you turn around?
Rise and fall turn the wheel ’cause all life
Is really just a circle
It seems to me, you and me
Are being chased by something
What it is has anybody here apprehended?
It seems to me, you and me
Are terrified of nothing
When nothing is the reason we are here
Oh, nothing at all
And if I cry to you, will you laugh me down?
But I’m asking you to turn around
Rise and fall turn the wheel ’cause all life
Is really just a circle