Times Like These

On my other blog, I’ve talk now and again about the man I call the Former Flame. We used to make CDs for each other. It started with him sending me copies of CDs he had and ended up as making mix CDs. As I’m sure you know, when you are making a mix CD to someone you’re interested in, it can be difficult to choose the songs. On one hand you don’t want to put nothing but sappy love songs on the CD but you also want to get the message across. I put this song, What a Good Boy by BNL, on a CD for John. The lyrics reminded me of us; we were both the oldest children in his family, we both were overly responsible and worried about what other people thought. Plus, of course, the line, “I know it isn’t right but be with me tonight” also spoke to our situation. It’s a pretty song, even if does make me think of a not-so-pretty boy …

When I was born, they looked at me and said,
“What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.”
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
“What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.”

We’ve got these chains that hang around our necks
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.

Chorus
This name is the hairshirt I wear
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me, be with me tonight,
I know that it isn’t right, but be with me tonight.

I go to school, I write exams,
if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they’ll soon forget ’cause it won’t take much for me
to show my life ain’t over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

Chorus

I couldn’t tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn’t tell you that you were right,
so instead I looked in the mirror,
watched TV, laid away all night.

We’ve got these chains, hang ’round our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls …

When I was born, they looked at me and said;
“What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.”
And when you were born, they looked at you and said;
“What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey”

One of the reasons I started this site was to exorcise the hold that certain songs can have on me. Take this one, for example. “I will wait for you” by Eliot Yamin is a song that I listened to a lot during my whirlwind romance earlier this summer. In hindsight, the girl he was waiting for wasn’t me, and that’s why I have a difficult time listening to this song. It makes me think of being in his car, 2 or 3 in the morning, the windows down, my hair blowing, and feeling so damn happy. Soon enough, most of the negative memories will fade further and I’ll just have that giddy feeling to remember fondly …

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I’m missing you
And I’m wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I’m all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it’s a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

I’ll Be Waiting.