Times Like These

This is one of those songs I could listen to over and over again. I’m not sure when I first heard it; in fact I wasn’t even sure what the song was at all because they mention New Orleans much more than they do Miami. I know, however, that I heard a lot during that awful summer, nearly four years ago, when I went to Miami and realized I didn’t want to be married anymore. I also know that I put this song on a mix CD for the Former Flame, calling it “unfortunately named but worth a listen.” During my trip to Miami, my then-husband, I later discovered, listened obsessively to Holiday in Spain, also by Counting Crows. I’ve always preferred wry songs over the out and out depressing music. This song makes me smile a little half-smile, like it’s my own special secret, because, in a way, it is.

Guess I think I feel alright
You come circling through the light
The skyline baby is bright tonight
One more perfect rendezvous
Sundown paints the shadows through
Daylight aiming? on what we do
It looks like darkness to me, oh
Drifting down into Miami
Miami
Can I say
I wish that this weather would never leave
It just gets hard to believe
That God sent this angel
to watch over me
Oh my angel,
she don’t receive my calls
Says I’m to dumb to fuck
To dumb to fight
To dumb to save
Well, maybe I don’t need no angel at all
It looks like darkness to me, oh
Drifting down into Miami
Miami
She could pull the sun right through me
Coming down, into Miami
Miami
Make a circle in the sand
Make a halo with your hands
Make a place for you to land
The bus is runnin’, it’s time to leave
The summer’s gone, so are we
So come on baby, let’s go shut it down
in New Orleans.
Come on baby, lets go shut it down
In new orleans
Come on Baby, come on baby
lets go shut it down, in new orleans.
Come on
Lets go shut it down
in New Orleans
Come on baby
Come on baby
Lets go shut it down

Most people know Men at Work from the incessantly popular Who Can It Be Now. But I think I like this song, Overkill, more. It soothes me. It’s one of those songs I can listen to over and over again, just have it on repeat on iTunes and be a happy girl. Maybe it’s because the past few (hell, five) years have been so full of decisions and changes for me that I like listening to a song that reminds me that I’m not the only person who has ever thought about breaking free, about leaving my comfort zone …

I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Day after day it reappears
Night after night, my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

The Smashing Pumpkins were one of my college bands. In the early 90s, it was all grunge, all the time. I couldn’t stand most of it. Nirvana irritated, except for a few songs here and there (I did like Heart Shaped Box). Alice in Chains? Forget it. Pearl Jam? Eh, I liked Alive, that was about it. But the Smashing Pumpkins … they were different. They had some pop to them. The first time I heard Today, I was in my friend’s dorm room. That jangly beginning, the faux-happy lyrics, the whole sound was great. I admit that I like their lighter music better, although some of the darker music, like Bullet in Butterfly Wings is good too.

This song takes me back to a time when I really did think that relationships could be perfect … While I don’t believe that today, the lyrics still get to me: “But please, you know you’re just like me, next time I promise we’ll be perfect.”

I know
We’re just like old friends
We just can’t pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can’t help but feel
That something has been lost

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always were so free
We promised that we’d be
Perfect
Perfect

On my other blog, I’ve talk now and again about the man I call the Former Flame. We used to make CDs for each other. It started with him sending me copies of CDs he had and ended up as making mix CDs. As I’m sure you know, when you are making a mix CD to someone you’re interested in, it can be difficult to choose the songs. On one hand you don’t want to put nothing but sappy love songs on the CD but you also want to get the message across. I put this song, What a Good Boy by BNL, on a CD for John. The lyrics reminded me of us; we were both the oldest children in his family, we both were overly responsible and worried about what other people thought. Plus, of course, the line, “I know it isn’t right but be with me tonight” also spoke to our situation. It’s a pretty song, even if does make me think of a not-so-pretty boy …

When I was born, they looked at me and said,
“What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.”
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
“What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.”

We’ve got these chains that hang around our necks
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.

Chorus
This name is the hairshirt I wear
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me, be with me tonight,
I know that it isn’t right, but be with me tonight.

I go to school, I write exams,
if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they’ll soon forget ’cause it won’t take much for me
to show my life ain’t over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

Chorus

I couldn’t tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn’t tell you that you were right,
so instead I looked in the mirror,
watched TV, laid away all night.

We’ve got these chains, hang ’round our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls …

When I was born, they looked at me and said;
“What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.”
And when you were born, they looked at you and said;
“What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey”

One of the reasons I started this site was to exorcise the hold that certain songs can have on me. Take this one, for example. “I will wait for you” by Eliot Yamin is a song that I listened to a lot during my whirlwind romance earlier this summer. In hindsight, the girl he was waiting for wasn’t me, and that’s why I have a difficult time listening to this song. It makes me think of being in his car, 2 or 3 in the morning, the windows down, my hair blowing, and feeling so damn happy. Soon enough, most of the negative memories will fade further and I’ll just have that giddy feeling to remember fondly …

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I’m missing you
And I’m wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I’m all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it’s a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

I’ll Be Waiting.

I met this guy when I was 14. He was 21. He was my brother’s karate instructor. My mom wanted to start taking classes too but hadn’t yet worked up her nerve. She made me a deal: Watch a few classes with her in exchange for something that I wanted at the time, I can’t even remember.

Aside from pretty much giggling the entire time (I was 14), I was mesmerized when I saw Chris. I instantly thought he was the hottest thing evah. I had that feeling you get when you see someone and you know … So yeah, I was more eager to go to class with my mom. She eventually enrolled in classes and I also was eager to attend their tournaments and testings.

It was obvious that Chris was interested in me. It was also obvious that he had no idea how young I was. Eventually the truth came out; the look on his face when I admitted that I was 14 (or maybe 15 by that time) was priceless. He thought I was in college.

Over the next few years, we continued flirting. He scheduled a self-defense class for women basically for me. My mother grimaced her way throughout the six weeks. Chris would always select me to be his “helper.” One time I had to run my fingers through his hair and then end up flipping him (I guess to take down some guy you didn’t want to kiss LOL). Well, I think at that point, I had never even kissed a boy and had no idea of the power that a woman can have over a man or even what the consequences were of our flirtation. In front of the class, I slid my fingers into the hair at the back of his neck … and then proceeded to flip him. After he got up, Chris commented, “Wow! A guy could really get distracted by you!” My mother grimaced even more.

At one point, I’m not sure how old I was, at least 16, maybe older, Chris called my mother to ask her permission to ask me out. I was delighted. Of course, my mom told him no. What else could she say? And by the time I was old enough to date him, he was still too old for me.

I haven’t seen him in years. My mom said he’s an ass now. Doesn’t surprise me. I’m not even really sure why Circle by Big Head Todd and the Monsters makes me think of him, it just does.

It seems to me, you and me
Are chasing something
What it is does anybody here want to know?
It seems to you, you and me
Are forgetting something
When love is so easily forgotten
And if I pick you up will you drag me down?
If I run to you will you turn around?
Rise and fall turn the wheel ’cause all life
Is really just a circle
It seems to me, you and me
Are being chased by something
What it is has anybody here apprehended?
It seems to me, you and me
Are terrified of nothing
When nothing is the reason we are here
Oh, nothing at all
And if I cry to you, will you laugh me down?
But I’m asking you to turn around
Rise and fall turn the wheel ’cause all life
Is really just a circle

Written by Tori

I was in a new relationship… only a month old… and it was Christmas Eve… he was in Chicago, I was in California… we were both with family. Neither of us had very much money after buying for everyone else in our life…

I woke up and in my email was a rapidshare link to download a file… it was a Video of him… “just a little something, just for you… just messing around… missing you… & hoping to see you… “… and then just pictures of him & me set to DreamGirl by the Dave Matthews Band.

he’d spent no money… only time, a few digital pictures, and a song… and it’s still the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten… I cried “love” tears… happy tears… for the first time ever.

My eyes still get wet every time I hear that song, even tho the relationship was short and ended badly.

I would dig a hole all the way to China
Unless of course I was there
then I’d dig my way home
If by diggin’ I could steal
the wind from the sails
of the greedy men who ruled the world

Still you’re my best friend
And after a good, good drunk
You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep
Where I was Dreamin’, I was Dreamin’ of a
Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl

I was feelin’ like a creep
As I watched you asleep
Face down in the grass,
in the park, in the middle
of a hot afternoon
Your top was untied
And I thought how nice
It’d be to follow the sweat down your spine

You’re like my best friend
aw after a good, good drunk
You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep
Where I was Dreamin’, I was Dreamin’ of a
Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl

Caught by a wave
my back to the ocean
it knocks me off my feet and
just as I find my footing
here you come again
Dreamgirl, aww Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl

(Scat….trails off)

*Deep in, Deep in
Deep in, Deep in
Deep in

I have a soft spot for SNL movies, and when I found out that Superstar was directed by Bruce McCulloch, one of the Kids in the Hall, I was even more excited. I saw Superstar with my then-husband and we were two of about three people in theater who laughed when Molly Shannon ran out of school in her Catholic schoolgirl uniform as Sister Christian played. Everyone else in the audience was too young to get the joke.
The song that stuck with me, though, was Beautiful by the Go-Gos. It’s played at the beginning of the movie. It’s a great summer song. I played it incessantly when I stayed in Myrtle Beach for a few extra days three years ago. I was separated from my husband, things with the Former Flame had reach the level of intolerability and I just needed time to clear my head. The weather was perfect — sunny, bright and clear. My life was anything but perfect at the time, but the song’s enthusiasm was infectious. I still think of that time in my life when I hear this song but now I can smile. Back then, all I wanted to do was cry …

My life is ever so perfect
My life has been a bed of roses
And you might think i’m crazy
So what if i am
My head is full of good things
Enough for everyone

Let me have my own world
Come in live in my world
Let me have my own world
Come in live in my world
Beautiful
Is all i see when i look at me
Beautiful
Every monther’s dream
Day by day
Things just keep getting prettier (so pretty)
Beautiful
What a wonderful life
Beautiful
Things keep getting prettier
Beautiful
Things keep getting prettier (so pretty)
Beautiful

I was the DD one night, a few years ago. I’m thinking some of us took my friend Chris out to distract him from a particularly bad break-up. He downed three martinis at dinner and I was stuck carting his drunk ass around. I can’t remember if I was driving my car or his, but the song “Times Like These” by Dave Grohl came on the radio. Chris was silent in the back seat. All of a sudden he said, “Oh my God, you guys! It IS times like these you learn to love again!”

I nearly drove into some parked cars, I was laughing so hard. And then Monday morning I heard the song on my iPod and launched into hysterical laughter, all alone in my car. The song is bittersweet but I have happy memories of it.

I am a one way motorway
I’m the one that drives away
then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I’m a wild light blinding bright
burning off alone

it’s times like these you learn to live again
it’s times like these you give and give again
it’s times like these you learn to love again
it’s times like these time and time again